


I Love You

by Dreamsinlilac



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, Family, Gen, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9289769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamsinlilac/pseuds/Dreamsinlilac
Summary: After saying goodbye to Cameron, Bernie returns home to Serena who, brave as she may be, still needs a reminder of the love that's around her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I started thinking about what happened after Bernie saw Cameron off and somehow my imagination managed link this idea to a Tumblr prompt I received. 
> 
> It's short and was put together quickly but I just wanted to get it out there. 
> 
> Prompt was "Oh my God, you love her."
> 
> Also, I see this being a pre-story to my other one around this topic- Stronger Together.

Bernie stood in the cold evening air, watching as Cameron jogged towards the waiting bus, her heart filled with a hint of sadness but also so much pride at how her son was embracing his independence and working towards his career. 

_“It’s only London.”_ , she reminded herself. London was no distance really and if they couldn’t see each other as regularly as they may like there would be calls. FaceTime, messages, emails, she would make sure of that.

The few miles was nothing at all, not in comparison to what Serena was going through. At that thought Bernie felt the sadness creep back into her body. She had only been gone for an hour but she needed to get back, she had promised Jason she wouldn’t be too long and so once she was sure Cameron was safely on the bus she made her way back to the car and drove out of the half empty carpark. 

Before going home she stopped at Serena’s favourite Thai restaurant to pick up a takeaway, hoping that something would tempt her girlfriend into eating a proper meal. Over the previous weeks she had only picked at things. The lack of appetite was understandable but it didn’t stop Bernie from worrying. She wasn’t the only one, Jason, who rarely strayed from his meal plans had actually suggested that she pick up something, anything that his Auntie might actually eat. 

And so Bernie placed an order for what she already knew was far too much food and as she waited she contemplated what was happening in her life, their lives right now. Her minded quickly drifted back to a conversation she’d had with Ric after the funeral. 

“The worst will be if Serena thinks you feel obligated to be there for her.” There had been no malice in his words, it was a simple observation based on his knowledge of his friend and co-worker. “She won’t want to feel like a burden.”

“I don’t and she’s not. I want, no that’s the wrong word, nobody WANTS to see their partner going through this, I’d take it all away from her if I could. But I can’t. What I can do is support her in any way she needs for however long it takes for her to work through her grief.”

Ric had smiled sadly, knowing the Bernie was telling the truth. He admired her hugely for how she had allowed herself to express her feelings and how she had dropped everything to care for Serena. But of course he also hated that this had happened, especially at such an early stage in their relationship. 

To Bernie there wasn’t a single question about wanting to be there for Serena, it came down to a simple fact as expressed by her own daughter on Christmas Day. 

“Oh my God, you love her.”

“I do.” Bernie could freely admit it, in fact she wanted both her children to be completely clear on this fact. “I am completely in love with her and somehow, she feels the same about me.” 

And she was, although unlike Serena the words didn’t come as easily at first. “More than like” had stuck for a time, said in jest but with true meaning behind it. However it was only so long before the real words came spilling out and once they had, sharing her feelings really didn’t seem that hard anymore. 

Somehow the love revelation seemed to soften Charlotte towards her mother, they started to make real progress that day and in the weeks afterwards. Then of course that terrible day had happened and had served to remind them both that life was short, a cliched lesson that nobody every wanted to learn. Bernie now had her son and daughter back in her life while Serena had lost her own daughter, something that seemed so unfair, so dreadfully unbalanced but was something that they had no control over.

“Bernie, I would never, ever begrudge you your children. Never do you hear me?” Serena had been emphatic that afternoon as they had discussed Cameron’s impending move. She had added something else just before Bernie had left the house. “Make sure he knows.”

Although she didn’t say it enough Bernie did love her children, both of them, enormously. She adored them and despite what Charlotte had said months previously in what had been their worst argument ever, she had planned for and wanted them both. 

She had loved their father as well, would never deny that but now she knew that she had never actually been in love with Marcus. And after years of wondering, finally she understood the difference. 

Bernie had been in love three times in her life, was still in love with those people in fact, although of course it was two different kinds of love. 

Cameron, Charlotte and now Serena. 

Serena had openly talked about recognising the signs of being in love, something that had scared Bernie half to death because it put a label on the wealth of emotion she herself was beginning to feel for this incredible woman. It had forced her to run away, something she now regretted but in a way was grateful for as it made her realise what she was missing out on. And she was even more grateful that she had been allowed a second chance. 

_“Not everyone gets that chance.”_ , she reflected as she left the restaurant, ready to make her way back to Serena’s. 

Ten minutes later she let herself in the front door. Jason popped his head out of the sitting room and indicated the kitchen. She gave him a pat on the arm before following the loud music towards where Serena had holed herself up. It wasn’t even the type of music her girlfriend typically enjoyed,this was current chart music, nothing Bernie recognised but the type she knew that Charlotte listened to. The sort of music that Elinor would have listened to. 

“Hey there. I hope you’re hungry?”

“Not really.” Serena glanced up from the floor where she was sat, apparently sorting out the contents of the kitchen drawers. 

Bernie bit her lip as she placed the food on the kitchen table. “You’ve got to eat something, please Serena. Serena?” From where she stood she could see the hunched up body on the floor had gone rigid before starting to shake with wracking sobs. 

“Shhhh, shhh I’m here, I’m here.”

It was several minutes before Serena could speak but she didn’t have to. The card in her hand said it all. 

_Happy Mother’s Day._

“I’m sorry.”, she eventually whispered into Bernie’s neck. “How silly to get so upset over a piece of paper.”

“It’s not silly.”, Bernie murmured while dropping kisses in the dark hair. “And it’s not just a piece of paper, it’s a memory.”

“That’s all I have of her now.” Serena cried, pressing her hands to her face again in a pointless attempt to suppress the tears. 

As much as she wished she could offer some, any, sort of argument to convince Serena she was wrong, in this case Bernie could do nothing except rock the grieving mother in her arms and whisper vague words of reassurance to her. 

“This isn’t what you signed up for.” It wasn’t the first time Serena has said something along those lines and every time Bernie had hushed her, told her that she was right where she should be.

“I signed up, if you want to put it like that, for you. I hate that this has happened to you, I can’t tell you how much, but nothing will change how I feel about you or stop me being here for you. 

“I want to be brave, I really want to, I pretend that I am but I’m not”

Bernie could only just make out the whispered words but when she did she pulled Serena even closer and thought back to her conversation with Cam earlier that evening. 

“You are so brave, don’t for a minute think you’re not. But being brave means letting other people help you as well. So when you feel like things are too much, then you lean on the people who love you, like me. I love you Serena, I am so _in love_ with you, please don’t forget that.”

“I know.” Serena linked her fingers with Bernie’s and squeezed them softly. 

“Good. Well, we can’t stay here all night can we? Let me put this stuff away, we’ll put the card in your memory box and then how about we heat up this food and you, me and Jason sit down for something to eat?”

She still wasn’t hungry but Serena knew she had to at least try. “Okay.”

Between them they quickly got the contents of the drawers back in their rightful places before Bernie started organising their meal.

“Bernie?”

From where she stood at the table Bernie looked over, a questioning expression on her face. 

“I… I….” Serena’s eyes conveyed the words she wanted to say but right now with all the overwhelming emotions she was feeling, were not forthcoming. 

“It’s okay love, I know too.”


End file.
